I have a friend who, like me, is deeply passionate about film, music, and literature. But my connection to these things runs deeper—it’s woven into how I see the world, what I expect from life, and how I reconstruct myself. That’s why I projected all of this meaning onto him, and from that projection grew an unhealthy attachment. I wasn’t just seeking his affection—I was seeking the approval of art itself, hoping that through him, my solitary devotion to books, films, and mus

梁三一走在火星的田野上。放眼望去，多是深深浅浅的坑。她的左手边有一个类似植物园的建筑，圆柱形的外表，由朦胧的磨砂玻璃围成。门口时一个由木条装饰成的拱门。透过这层暧昧的屏障，一些深紫的、灰蓝的大叶植物张牙舞爪。纷纷乱乱的叶片的眼睛张着血盆大口意图吞噬她。 她被吓得落荒而逃，掀起亚麻的裙摆，撒开双腿，青筋凸起，静脉血管如消火栓粗壮，就这样赤足奔跑。脚下的火星砂翻滚着，组成小小的火焰风暴。 马三六在风暴彼岸等着她，身着一件灰色衬衫，长裤左边裤腿减去一半，线头如一串串蚂蚁一样垂到脚面，变成一团蠕动的虚线。马三六开口喊： 快来！ 有一瞬间梁三一觉得这是上帝在呼唤她。因为她许久没有听过风来回激荡两座山峰的声音。 一片嘈杂中，有蛙鸣、鸟叫、泰山的嘶吼、萤火虫嘤嘤的呜咽。老鼠现身，引发暴动，成群结队，冲锋陷阵。 梁三一站在水池中央——椭圆形的，由大理石砖块和木头砖块搭建成的水池。她笔直地站着，头上缓慢伸出一枝绿色玫瑰。后方走来马三六。他强壮的身体在水面上投下一块阴影如一片灰色的湖，淹没梁三一的脚趾。 晨光披着暮色的假面款款走来，越过火红的山脉，淌过蔚蓝的湖水。过

I just saw a video where a father reached out his hand to his son and daughter to see their different reactions. The son immediately gave him a high-five, while the daughter seemed quite shy at first and then gently kissed her father’s palm. This was a moment of radical awakening. I have come to realise that such emotional expressions and tenderness are abilities women are born with. Our passion, jealousy, unconditional love and sacrifice for others, our consideration and tol

我上一个觉得自己是混蛋的瞬间，是刚刚我在微信联系人中翻到了我已经过世的爷爷的账号。我爸在他下葬的那天把他的手机一起扔进墓盒里去了，我不知道腾讯还会把他的账号保存多 久。我爷爷的微信头像是我小时候的一张照片。我那时大概是一两岁，头发剪得和小男孩一样，手里甚至握着一把假枪。仔细看我才发现我小时候眼睛还是滴溜圆的，肥肥的脸蛋和现在一样是我减肥中永远的痛。 这张照片一直挂在我爷爷的爸爸也就是我老爷爷屋子里那堵被油烟熏得焦黄的墙上。数十年如一日在同一个钉子上挂着，连玻璃和相框上都覆盖着厚厚的污泥。我猜我爷爷那时一定是把照片从那脏污的墙上取下来了，拿毛巾擦干净了，剥开那层玻璃然后把照片取出来，又对着他智能手机的镜头拍了一张。 我当时回老家，他坐在烟雾缭绕的破凳子上，在炉子后面，笑着他整张漆黑发皱的脸和我说：你看我微信头像了没？还是你小时候的照片呢。 我不记得我当时是怎么回复的了，但是我一定只是讪讪地笑了一下，然后说我当然看到了。但互动早就沉默得在我记忆中没有一点底色。 The last time I felt like a total asshole was